The “everything in between”

by mposadasn

For the past couple of days I’ve been staring at a blank text box, hoping that something would come to me. Eventually, the blank box only became a portal for my imagination to run wild. It’s kind of frustrating since I feel my fingers tingling, my heart thumping, my throat getting tight with emotion, and my mind…. Mind? Where are you… Where did that mind go off to this time…?

Well, now I’m sitting here and every lightbulb is off shining light on every other far away land except under my hood, leaving me to just a bright screen, lots of homework, and a warm keyboard. As a relief from this situation, I decided to just type and see what comes out of it. Basically, you will be the subject to a moment of freedom of thought, and my little experiment here might even take me to a place I don’t often visit: peaceful vulnerability. By that I mean, opening up without outlining a thesis, claims, and their respective supporting details and then relating to you my little thoughts essay. If you haven’t realized by now, there’s a control freak that is slowly moving out of the apartment of my head, so there are times that she still likes to chime into my daily life. The control freak and my passionate lady get into a lot of hair-pulling fights. I’ve also been hanging out with myself a lot these past couple of days. To be fair and honest, I’m getting kind of sick of this girl here… I need some alone time… wait….

No, but actually, this alone time has been kind of excruciatingly wonderful. I know God is chuckling over there in some corner, as he watches me discover things about myself that I had never noticed that I do on a regular basis before. Like, if I’m writing and my pen accidentally glides too far and makes a very thin mark the white line, I will cross out the whole word to get rid of that little mark that looks like a mosquito had an unfortunate landing. I noticed how I do this, and I thought it was probably the most ridiculous thing in the world. Or, how I randomly get quiet in the middle of a conversation and forget that I’m talking to someone because I’m off chasing a butterfly in the back of my head. Or that I’m in love with order, but I’m so comfortable sleeping in the middle of a bedroom where towers of clothes eat up the floor and books make a ladder leading to the bed: a peaceful heart at home within chaos.

So here’s this crazy girl, with crazy dreams and passions, with crazy love that she 99% of the time doesn’t even know where to put it, and…. Now I’m talking in third person? Marianthy loves cheese. My favorite food is eggplant. Well, and obviously cheese. I wonder if after this post I’ll get a million eggplants in the mail. I’m not really sure how I connected one thing with the other right there…

Here’s an eggplant for you: Image

OHHhmG. You know what I don’t understand? Why we would get so hung up on chivalry in the first place. Did you know how well women were treated in the Middle Ages, when the code of chivalry was developed??? They were basically livestock. Part of the livestock that the lords of the land owned and had to protect against viking invaders. But they were only extra protected because they gave the lords boy babies and their daughters could be married off to become seals of peace between lords. The code of chivalry was developed out of a need to protect goods. Not women. So why would society ever want to keep that idea alive? Women should be protected. Our hearts should be protected by men: to honor the very life and vibrancy that resonates within. Our spirits should be protected by men: to bring unity and peace into the world through the conservation of intimacy between one man and one woman. Our bodies should be protected by men: because they are the holiest temple, just like theirs is too. But not out of a personal desire for manipulation, control, and use. “Chivalry is dead”, well, not so much. The same drive prevails within society, but if you ask me, I think we should kill it altogether with some truth, love, and respect. More on that later, most probably….

Ok, looks like I’m ending on that note… That was actually a nice exercise: a relief from structure and control. Now that I have released a little bit of my crazy on you, my mind isn’t constipated with thoughts. I think I can continue procrastinating on my homework while I have a date with my notebook and pen. Oh, and this is also a good opportunity to ask the general public: what kind of topics would you like to see around here? I like being challenged, so make me read more and make me research… Let’s talk, write, develop ideas together. (I also would just like to be given topics to write on because sometimes my creative cloud decides to blow off some steam somewhere else). Okay, okay, go! I dare you to leave a comment. Or rant to me, I love those.